Crossing the border

aka

How Julie almost became a drug dealer.

This is a Kinder egg...

Did you know Kinder eggs are illegal in the United States? I sure didn't.

Did you know that border patrol security considers smuggling Kinder eggs into the country to be just as serious an offense as drug smuggling? I sure didn't.

Did you know that when border patrol security peoples are accusing you of smuggling candy crimes its not a good idea to laugh at them and ask "Is this a joke!?" I sure didn't... but I do now and I would like to share with you my story. Consider this your scared straight, don't you dare try to smuggle a candy chocolate egg with a fun surprise toy across the U.S. border story.

Border Control Guy "Did you purchase anything while in Canada?"

Christian "hmm... No."

Border Control Guy "Really. You were there for a week and you didn't purchase ANYTHING to bring back?"

Me "Well I bought some Kinder eggs and a couple of Wunderbars."

Border Control Guy "Kinder eggs are illegal in this country ma'am."

Me "Bwahahaha!!! yeah right!"

Border Control Guy "Where are the Kinder eggs right now?"

Me (giggling still) "Right here in the side door... Would you like one?" Me to Christian "...wait. Is he serious? He's kidding right?"

Christian "I don't think Border Control kids."

Border Control guy slaps a big orange paper on the car and directs us to the left where we are instructed to leave everything in the unlocked vehicle and enter the holding area inside the security building.

Me to Christian "Whats going on... do you think he was really serous about the Kinder eggs? They better not confiscate my Kinder eggs... those things are delicious!"

We walk toward the building and when we see an officer we ask if this is a random search, to which the officer yells at us to leave our car unlocked and to enter the building to speak to someone. Once in the building we pass several more very cranky officers with guns who all look very upset at us. We approach the front desk and meet with a lady officer who I was hoping might be more friendly. She was not.

Mean lady officer "Who has the Kinder eggs?"

Me "I do."

Mean lady officer "Kinder eggs are illegal in this country ma'am."

Me (slightly giggling as I say) "Is this a joke!? You realize a Kinder egg is chocolate candy right?"

Mean lady officer "No this is not a joke! Kinder eggs pose a serious choking hazard to children. They are illegal."

Almost immediately three large men approach us as if we are causing a disturbance, and the mean lady motions for us to talk to them instead. After explaining once again that Kinder eggs are illegal for their uber dangerous choking hazard abilities, the guy explains that bringing Kinder eggs into the country is the same to them as bringing drugs into the country. Both are illegal and their presence is not tolerated. After his lengthy discussion of my serious crime he asked "Does this make sense to you?"

Our awesome friend Chris "No. I mean I understand what you are saying... but no... none of this makes sense to me."

Officer "We don't make the rules sir! We just enforce them!"

Me "So how about I go and get my chocolate eggs and give them to you to throw away. Then perhaps we can continue on our way more quickly?"

Mean lady officer starts shaking her head and glaring at me again. "You cannot dispose of the eggs on American soil."

Officer (motions us further from the desk and back toward the exit) "Ok here's the deal... I realize its Kinder eggs and this may seem silly but its the rule and we have to follow them no matter how silly it seems. This is the United States. We like to make things complicated. We can give you two options. If we do a confiscation of the eggs it will be a minimum of a three hour delay to search the entire vehicle and do a whole lot of paperwork. The second option, which would be best for everyone, is to take the eggs and walk them back across the border, dispose of them on Canadian soil, then walk across the border free of any illegal items and we can let you continue on with no delay."

Me "Sounds good. We'll take the second option."

Officer "Good choice."

We were escorted back to the truck where I collected the Kinder eggs and all of us walked the eggs back over to Canadian soil. We quickly ate the eggs near the peace arch but most definitely on the Canadian side (you didn't think I'd toss them did you?!) and tried really hard not to choke on the very large plastic ball that encased the toy. We played with our toys briefly and threw away the contraband in a Canadian garbage can. Then we walked back onto U.S. soil got in our huge Ford F150 and continued on our way Kinder egg free. Although technically the chocolate was digesting in our bellies and would later be disposed of on American soil (aka the Jack in the Box bathroom).

I hope this tale has made you all feel better knowing that our borders are saving children one Kinder egg at a time.